look up... look waaaaayyy up...

the ease of loving from a distance is destroying the personal accountability and integrity of the church, and the christian.
i don't typically use this forum as an excuse to rail against any one person or institution in particular... but it's because this point needs to be made, and because i'm otherwise going to throw up from overdose of hypocrisy and disgust at humanity, that i feel it necessary to vent this batch of air rather than swallowing it, in the hopes that the breeze will perhaps blow at least one person's hair out of their eyes so that they can see what's going on around them and maybe put it right before it's too late.

for the preservation of anonymity, and for no other reason, we'll call today's first subject "bubbles the chimp".
so bubbles was my best friend. he was the best man for my wedding. he was a man (sorry, a chimp) who was willing to share his life with me, openly, honestly, the way it's supposed to be shared. he was a person who's faith i wanted nothing more than to be able to emulate, and i envied him his sincerity and compassion.
not any more.
not since our last few email exchanges, in which he went from someone who said "i'm looking forward to your email" to someone who could say "i can't be around people with your kind of problems" and "just take it somewhere else". those are direct quotes.
this, in itself, bothered me deeply, but only on a personal level... who he chooses for a friend is ultimately his business, no matter how contradictory it is to what he claims to believe. remember, i'm a big fan of people who claim to be christians acting like it on occasion, especially to their friends, the ones that are supposed to be EASIER to love.
but that's where things have changed, and not necessarily for the better. because now, it's easire to love the ones you DON'T know. now it's easier to stand at a distance and say you love "everyone" than it is to love one specific person. and the thing that enraged me about this whole scenario? my former friend bubbles is now affiliated with prairie hope. you know, the organization where people come with their problems? drugs, mostly, but those come with a myriad of other spiritual and mental ailments stapled to them. must be one hell of a screening process for staff applicants, that someone so capable of disdain for problems could become someone actively involved in a compassionate ministry.
can you imagine him telling someone there to "take it somewhere else"? how awful just to know that someone capable of that is working with people at their weakest, when they need the most help.
like the church. or my old church, anyway, the second of our examples, which, again for the sake of anonymity, we will call "barnum and bailey".
the pastor of said 3-ring establishment welcomed me the first time i returned there after the anti-triumph of my exodous to saskatchewan.
i was called up to the front to address the church, as a son. he actually called me a son. and i told them all about how at home i felt there.
fast-forward to a month or two later (i don't know for sure, time blurs when it's all you have), and the last words out of his mouth are "you stopped being a member when you left the province, and i have an obligation to protect my people, to look out for my family" (paraphrase, but pretty accurate) and voila! instant disenfranchisement.
and then a week later, when i tried to go to the young adult group... same deal, the leaders cast me out, telling me in no uncertain terms that it was their support for the pastor that lead to the decision, not wanting to be disobedient under his leadership.
and that was it.
even the other church from which i was temporarily ejected called me. hell, the pastor, even though he didn't like me and thought me most particularly unrepentant, came over regularly to try to "save me". bad idea, but right concept, if you follow. at least, in his own self-righteous way, he cared, wanted to help. the associate pastor held weekly bible studies with me when i couldn't leave my home. the church, in essence, WAS the church.
not barnum and bailey, though. despite the fact that their slogan, painted on their sign outside for all to see (hope this doesn't give them away... much...) is "A healing ministry to a hurting world".
but there's our key concept again. the world. the anonymous group. because it's so easy to love the world when it's something impersonal, when it's something detached, something that you don't have to really relate to, something that isn't really a part of YOUR life, just an adjacent life you're trying to fix.
it's hard to be a healing ministry to a hurting friend, or a hurting brother, or a hurting son... especially if you don't like what they're hurting from... then you have to admit they're a part of you, that there are things about you that might be weak, that love is not always perfect. being a healing ministry to a hurting world is easy... because there's no face on the world. and especially not a face you like, have loved, have sympathized with, not understanding that it wasn't all beautiful... that there would be things behind the face that would test you. the world doesn't test you... your friends do.
or your former friends, if you're not strong enough.

so what i'm really trying to say, besides "be careful what church you choose as your home" or "be careful who you let have your heart, because some people will be all too reckless with it", is really just that if we're going to say we love everyone, that we have to love everyone. and if jesus started in jerusalem, then we have to start with the people we know. and there is no excuse in the world for casting someone away at the crux of their need, in fact, it's the point at which you're supposed to be most compelled to take them in and help. bear one another's burdens, and therby fulfill the law of christ.

or bear the world's burdens, and lose yourself in your own disconnected safety. at least you'll sound good, impress the right people, maybe even land a job at prairie hope.

but in the end, it will mean as little as every other word with no substance behind it. in the end, your integrity will be the casualty, not that anyone will notice. everyone will slap you on the back and tell you you're great, because you can act, because you can care when you want to care, and stop just as easily... you are the master, you are the god of your choice, the god of your own love.

but remember there is still an actual God of Love, and your love, if you call it His, still reflects on Him. you're an ambassador... not the King.

and people will only listen to so many garbled messages before they stop believing.
sad.
but true.