a resolution... for today, anyway...

for those few faithful readers who are probably tired of hearing my voice crack as i wander through the maze of past mistakes and mourn the loss of beauty, i will give it a rest. i don't promise it will be a long rest, i am consumed of late by a passion for sorrow, but i will do my best to abandon those persuits at least temporarily, in the hopes that it will buoy my own spirits, as well as making my posts more accessible and less selfish and whining.

so today, instead, we tackle a subject that came up a while ago, but with a different slant.
today, we contemplate the relativity of perfection.

i wonder, sometimes, if the world wouldn't be a better place if we could just get fundamentalism and liberalism into the same pub, and have them discuss, over drinks, the possibility of working out a truce. a pint or two of subjectivity; a pitcher of context. would they leave as friends? would they get in a drunken brawl and wind up in a drunk tank, useless to anyone? would they wake up beside each other, head ringing with regret and embarrassment?
but i suppose it all depends on the standard that we're trying to uphold. because maybe this meeting is wrong. maybe it's a perversion of both sides, maybe it's inflicting God's holiness with the world and making both less potent, more attractive to everyone, and as lukewarm as possible.

i've been reading "every man's battle" lately, in between chapters of 1984. aparantly, every man's struggle is (please keep the audible gasps to a minimum) sexual purity. what a shock. the key scripture, the basis and foundation for the entire book, in fact, is ephesians 5:3, where we're encouraged to, in their translation, at least, have "not even a hint of sexual immorality". at various points in the book they misuse scripture and misquote prominent christians (neither of which is my point, there is a review of the book here http://www.lxonline.org/issues/2002/11/review_everyman.htm that makes several points better than i feel like making them here) to drive this point home; that we must eradicate all sexual impurity from our lives. this is the standard, this is god's purity we're upholding.
at one point, the point at which my brain became engaged in this concept, one of them was talking about the movie Forrest Gump. great show, and i will always think so. and then they point out the scene at the beginning where forrest's mom sleeps with the principal to get him into school, while he sits and listens, or the strippers on new years, or jenny's nude folk singing, or the child that jenny and forrest bear out of wedlock, out of even a proper relationship of any kind... and they've got a point. of course, there was also redemption, and hope, and honor, and faith, and all kinds of other good things in the movie. and you need the contrast, sometimes.
after all, there is all manner of contrast in the bible... who would care that soddom was destroyed if we didn't know why first? but it's labelled scripture, and as such, is holier than anything else we could write or think, and is off limits for judgment... so we return to the lesser mortal works...
East of Eden is the best book i have ever read. it's more or less a retelling of the story of Cain and Abel as it perpetuates through a couple of generations of a family in salinas. it has many, many disturbing, repugnant, and sexually immoral passages in it. it also treads none too lightly into the arena of faith and hope in the future and nobility and perseverance. it's amazing, really it is, read it if you haven't. and the beauty in it wouldn't mean half of what it did if there wasn't so much rampant ugliness behind it, around it, crouching beside it's fire hoping that it will go out so that the black beast can devour the poor traveller. it's beautiful because the firelight wavers, but does not go out.
is this sexual impurity? is it poisoning my mind? when i slip and fall, will it have been a contributing factor?
i used to know a girl that was so serious about all of this that she couldn't have braveheart in her movie collection because of the 30 seconds of above the waist, shadowed nudity between william and his new bride on their wedding night.
is that the standard we're supposed to be meeting? are we supposed to really be striving for absolute perfection? or are we supposed to consider the context?
and how far are we allowed to consider?
at some point, our motivations must come into question. if we were really trying to be perfect for god, if it was really a priority for us, maybe we WOULD get rid of all of this stuff, "any hint" of sexual immorality. after all, a hint isn't that much.
but instead we do what we always do... we test the limits, and then push them as far as we can, hoping to have it both ways... to live up to the standard by the bare minimum, and thus extract the maximum unpunishable amount of pleasure from our disobedience.
it's like when we drive... we know that the maximum posted speed is 50... but we also know that we won't get pulled over for going 55... and because we have no personal investment, no real moral conviction over 5 tiny k/h, we shrug it off and play both sides, obedient and yet getting what we want, too.
i guess in the end, i'm just conflicted... because i really don't know where this line is supposed to be drawn, what hints of sexual immorality should be removed, which ones might be okay depending on circumstances, whether or not forrest gump will come up when i'm talking to jesus at the throne of judgment. i doubt it, somehow, but i really don't know.
and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

all this without even addressing works vs. faith... thank god i don't feel up to tackling that oft-kicked brick just now...

so, what are your thoughts on purity? is our level of dedication an indicator of our love, honor, and respect for our saviour? are we obligated to upholding as perfect a standard as we can? are there things in our lives that we could, and should, cut out, but leave because we think we need them? do we need them?

thoughts?