doomed to repetition...

first, an apology...
in the vainglorious subconscious egoism of my priorities (the subconscious nature of which persists largely due to my blatant lack of acknowledgement), i occasionally forget that my priorities do not always reflect those of everyone. in those moments, i engage in personal arguments that typically frustrate the other participant, onto whom i'm trying to force an entire evaluation system without their being aware of it. but the way i value things is not always, or even often, similar to the scales of others, and the only thing i achieve by transfering my beliefs onto them is to feel slighted and to frustrate others.
so, to a friend who only wanted to get some sleep, i'm sorry.
beware, for hidden in this apology is the understanding that you will be equally patient the next time it happens, since i'm prone forever to learn lessons repeatedly, while carrying only the barest minimum of personal change forward from each conflict.
just like the door at the 7-11.
every time, i go up to the door, and instinctively reach over to the left door, because i'm left-handed and am holding my mug in my right hand. it just makes sense. until the pull which leaves me accomplishing nothing but jarring my momentum and bitterly cursing my inabilities to learn before i open the right door and gain access to the store.
as usual, the lesson is briefly retained, since, on my way out of the store, i use the correct door immediately, not even considering the other as an option.
but lo and behold, the very next time i pull up to that 7-11, the process begins all over again, and i'm equally aggravated by my perpetual stagnation.
so, what is the secret to translating revelation to useful information, to assimilating epiphany in a way that makes it relevant and tangible, as opposed to some etherial haunting possibility that, upon each evaporation, only serves to enhance and magnify its absence?
because frankly, lack and loss are all i see when i examine the contents of my suitcases, and ironically, for all that emptiness, the luggage is surprisingly heavy.