why am i still surprised...

today, in roman news...
good is brought before pilate... sentenced to melt into the symbolistic white walls. beats crucifixtion, anyway.

in other news...
i'm still not over being 25, and i'm 26. it's a perpetual wonder to me, but not necessarily always in a good way. i was never meant to reach this age. i knew it. it was preordained. but here i am, with even less understanding now than ever because i'm trying to understand something that i understood with certainty wouldn't even exist.
it's not all bad, though. mysterious, and complex, and confusing, and frightening, yes... but not all bad.
i think it's just like everything in my life... subtle changes in perspective that allow me to create functional frameworks in which my life will, eventually, function. i've already redefined so many things... the way i see God, the way i remember my wife, the way i look at my friendships and past relationships, the way i'm trying to look at the new ones that come along and surprise me with their happy potential...
it's all so strange, and yet instead of trying to control it, or make it what i want it to be, or even to know what it's going to be 50 steps in advance just so that i can sleep at night, i'm just taking things as they are... whatever it is, it is. not complex. terrifying in it's simplicity, because i live in my head so much of the time, and without overthinking everything, control slips occasionally, and i feel very much lost... but i'm learning that i don't even have to know where i am all the time... if i don't have a map, i'll just enjoy the walk. if i end up somewhere awful, i'll go back. if i can't go back, i'll be grateful for the company, at least, since i have decided no longer to walk alone in the journey, no matter how selfish that may sound. i'm tired of "sparing people from me"... that's arrogant, and infers a level of mindreading that i don't possess... who am i to claim that they don't want me around, even when i know that i wouldn't want me around if i were them... that's me judging myself, condemning myself, and walking in some kind of false righteousness created out of self-pity and sin. net benefits to me and anyone in my life? none.
so. learning to be 26. can't be any harder than anything else i've ever learned. maybe, if i hurry, i can get the hang of it just in time to turn 27.
strangely, i'm pretty sure, for once, that that will happen.
weird.