a new public service

brought on by a spate of aggravation at the concept that it could possibly cost 25 dollars for a hundred checks just so i can use my checking account, i thought it might be interesting to pose the question, "just what is it a bank actually does"?
but rather than just asking the question, i'm going to offer my services as a bank instead.
here's how it's going to work.
i'll hold your wallet.
that'll be 5 bucks, please.
i promise nobody will steal anything from it.
however, that said, if i happen to make a mistake, 5 of your dollars might end up in jim's wallet instead.
hope you don't mind.
you'll get it back.
eventually.
maybe.
now, say you want your money.
that'll be another 5 bucks, i'm afraid.
no, really. you have to pay to have your money back.
don't worry, it's perfectly normal.
of course it's still yours.
at least you CAN get it back.
unless i forget where i put your wallet, of course.
then you might have to wait.
sorry.
i can give you better protection from the mistakes i might make.
it'll cost you, though.
i'm pretty sure you've used as much of your money as your allowed to this month, anyway.
so if you want to use more, i'm afraid there's a service fee.
don't blame me, you can easily get rid of these fees by simply paying more for the initial plan.
what do you mean, that works out to the same thing?
i'm sorry, i can't listen to your ranting anymore.
at least not without charging a fee for the service.
i hope you understand.
and thanks again for the money.

so, someone tell me, please, how i can get in on this action. because hey, free money.